Nowadays everything has to be simple and every product we choose comes with instructions. Even on peanuts it is written that you should open the bag before you eat them.
So now that we know how to eat peanuts properly, how to use washing powder, now when it is explained to us that we have to press the button to call the elevator, that shoes are only to be worn on feet, relationships have never been more complicated.
We are encouraged to make choices as we are free people with our free minds and we are able to choose whatever we want and whatever we find best for us. It has come to such extreme that we have become real choice junkies. That means that after you make your choice instead feeling happy you feel miserable and already carving for the next one.
In “once upon time” times, it all seemed to be so easy. Cinderella met her prince and after one party they got married. Sleeping beauty was even more extreme case; she got married straight after she woke up. Only Snow-White was a bit more progressive, as she had lived with 7 guys before she’s met her price. 7 at the same time.
In that times the bad witch was bad, good girl was good, prince was brave, king was old, and love was love. And they all lived happily ever after with their choices and with who they were.
Today we have a mess. We created so many hybrids that we got totally lost in this wood. We have good girls gone bad, bad witches gone good, princes are cowards, kids are kings, and love is everything but. We wanted to improve love, to avoid the side effects like pain and responsibility, and off course to keep open doors to whatever comes next at the same time. Therefore we created a new hybrid relationship – friends with benefits or simply fuck buddies. This is really huge progress in our evolution. A Big step forward. Only that nobody can really define what it actually is and what the rules for such kind of relationship. Basically you are buddies, friends who also have sex. If somebody asks the usual answer would be:
– We are just friends who are just having some great sex. It’s nothing more.
We have also learned that putting the word “just” in front of words friends and sex makes it sound even more casual. You can put “just” today in front of all to avoid responsibility and keep distance. Like –“ no we are just living together..”, “we just have kids together”, “we just share the same grave together…it’s nothing serious”.
What are the actual rules for such game called fuck buddies?
But first what does the word friend mean? According to the official explanation from dictionary friend is:
“a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty;”
Good. Now what do we need to have sex with somebody? Now I mean only sex Not just sex..
Excluding the situations when our perception is so blurred by large amount of alcohol that turns even the Hunchback of Notre-dame into Brad Pitt, we need some physical attraction combined with some chemistry. I will not go in particular explanations of the word sex as I think the world has already seen it all.
So friend with benefit or fuck buddy is someone you have feelings of affection or personal regard, and loyalty plus you find this person hot enough to end up in bed, car, phone box or wherever you choose to have sex with your buddy.
If I would explain it to my mother’s generation, they would say you have a perfect match. Friendship + attraction are what make a good base for a relationship.
But not in millennium.
There is a catch in this story.
This hybrid relationship can go on until one of you does not mention the “L” word, because it is important not to bring emotions into the game. Sounds contradictory ha? You might say that emotions are already there if you call this person a friend and if you have sex in sober condition more than once. But no, this still does not have to mean anything. Because you are just friends and you are just having sex. Nothing more nothing less.
Trick is in wording. If you call this relationship in classical sense that would mean that you are off the market and you are closed to all other choices at least for a while and that’s what we, choice junkies, do not want as behind corner might already wait something new so why limit yourself?
Just keep it cool, superficial, immune to feelings and even if it all exist inside of you ignore it, if it’s not said out loud it does not exist. You are allowed to cry on “Marley and me” but when it comes to “my buddy and me” than just be ignorant.
In normal world, people without emotions and general empathy are called sociopaths and society locks them up in some institutions in order to keep them away from hurting normal us who have emotions. They are scary, mean people who would hurt you or eat you and you do not want to be friend with them nor do you normaly want to become one of them. Hannibal Lector for example…the safest just friend with benefits you can have 100% no feelings but a big appetite. No?
People Hybrids suck. They are usually imagined to be a combination of two or more real stuff in order to get something even better but it’s always fake. In reality you never get something better. We get vegetables that’s blunt or tastes like fish but looks perfect, cherries that taste like sea sponges but as big as plums, strawberries that buzz like flies and taste like shit…and we get relationships that only hurt like real at the end.