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There is a huge variety of empty feelings, and everybody can choose the one that fits him the best, given the phase and the occasion. In general, emptiness is taken as something bad; nobody wants to feel like this. Have you ever heard anyone tell you cheerfully with a huge smile on his face, “Yay, super, I feel empty now and it lasts for days!!!”

No. It is usually accompanied with a desperate face and watery eyes, and the burring wish to suffocate yourself if it lasts for longer than an hour. When we feel empty we usually want to do everything in our power to escape this feeling as soon as possible. So we frantically start to load ourselves with literally whatever junk comes our way – what in the long run usually proves to be just a bunch of very bad decisions with often lifelong consequences. So we get hooked up with the wrong people, we enter into really bad business deals, we turn to good old alcohol, pills & co. We end up with really bad tattoos, bad hairstyles, weird pets, sports cars that we do not need, marriages, divorces – really anything that we can think of that can fulfill us in this moment.

All only to drown this empty feeling instead of maybe accepting it???

This particular kind of empty I call “reckless empty.” It’s (unfortunately for us) active emptiness, usually with a destructive note. In history we had characters that crossed the borders way too much because of it. Nero, for instance, who had turned ancient Rome into ashes. That was proven to be really one of his worst decisions, after decapitating his own mother, and after killing himself. He got nothing out of this, and a couple of years later committed suicide, becoming the only Roman emperor who actually raised a hand to himself, earning a double bad reputation as Looney and Weak. And he could have been nicely remembered as a tyrant, just like everybody else, if he had just learned to accept and deal with this reckless emptiness.

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BUT…There is another kind of emptiness, on the totally opposite end from the reckless emptiness. It’s a blissful emptiness. This is my favorite kind of emptiness.

This feeling does not make you want to run away to Vegas, get pissed, and marry somebody random a in highly intoxicated condition. (Still, you would have a 50/50 chance that this marriage might succeed!) Or burn the city down just to watch it burn. It’s the peaceful feeling after all storms are gone, and when your boat is sailing in peaceful waters, still having no idea where is it exactly going, but on the way to get there, wherever that is. And you can’t feel anything else, in fact you do not want to feel anything but emptiness, as you find it somehow relaxing, purifying. This feeling usually comes after you have given your full complete self into something, and spent all your emotions, positive and negative, for whatever you might have had them in you. And now it is all out there left on some dance floor (in my case) or in some masterpiece, or in whatever you have created. It is a feeling of slight boredom but this is exactly what you need at this moment. Blissful emptiness does not need to be struggled with, nor does it take all your energy to canalize (???) or accept it as you would have to do with the reckless emptiness; because this is the only way that would make you stay away from the trouble that you might get yourself and others into if you try to shush it away. Blissful emptiness you actually embrace. It is good company of your own self. You are neither happy nor unhappy, you are not in love with anybody but you love everybody worth loving. You are finally not on the run for the next adventure, because you know that this is coming anyway. It is just a matter of time. It comes in life to make us catch our breath before the next storm. And it is this time in between when you accept all lessons previously learned, when you have counted scars from previous battles, and when your army is home with their families. These are the moments in life when the process of becoming wiser is really happening (if ever). In a video game this is when you have completed the previous level and now you are watching the intro for the next. It gives you the time to reflect and contemplate and inevitably draw your conclusions in form of future nevers, maybes and musts. It is a good time. Enjoy!

 

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