Yey we have a new hybrid called “mingle”! The word comes from “mixed” and “single” and it is supposed to be our latest answer to the evolution of relationships.. Mingle is more “adult” version of “fuck buddies”, what makes it more cunning. With fuck buddies rules are known. Precondition is that you are buddies, then one stuff leads to another and you end up in bed or in some dark alley and you continue doing it based on mutual agreement. At least in theory this might function. At least for guys. Girls well..we will come to this.
Mingle has different rules. It is not a precondition that you are friends before. So you can pick a random person you like. Then do everything you would normally do if you’d be in a relationship with this person.. Sleepovers, exclusive sex holding hands while eating hot maroons…all included. In every relationship sooner or later comes a defining moment when one partner, usually female part wants to know “where is all this going”. She will casually slip in some casual occasion that you are a couple now…and this moment, exactly this one is when “mingle” shows all its cruelty. He will look at her in a surprise, then his eyes will start moving rapidly like he is looking for the nearest exit, and with a forced smile will say “ Really? This is not my understanding. Sorry but I am not a relationship type..” . Nothing is so casual anymore and that leads us straight to the end of the game…
Usually the person who had open heart before was touched by serial mingler, will suffer severe injuries. Mingler had his fun and will go to the next victim. Minglers are people who have the need for to press themselves to some warm butt they can trust and count that it will be there for them in a time of need, but at the same time they want to keep the doors open if something better comes along. They want to play relationship but are not brave enough to live the relationship. Now, not to go into analyzing what actually made them such louses; if their mother did not love them enough or they had to share their teddy bear with the whole kibbutz when they were little, or Grinch stole their Christmas, we have to admit that they are around us, like viruses, and that we have to learn how to protect ourselves from them, but still have some fun. The question is how in the time of hybrids latest of them “the mingle”, can a girl protect her open heart and go with the “mingle” flow when even our biology is working against us?
It is proven that a women’s body after having sex produces some chemical that triggers our emotions. Triggering our emotions usually triggers inevitable questions like “does he like me?”, “will he call?”, and “why is he not calling?… Not to talk about falling into a trap of overanalysing every word he said, and blowing our brain off with different “where is this all going?” scenarios. And apparently it is all because of one lousy chemical in our brains that is produced after sex which does not even have to be good. For guys it should be easy. All chemicals in their body are more-less concentrated on one place and this is not the brain in general. Basically, they had their share of “emotions” and now they can go back to doing what they were doing before, while we are drowning ourselves in “death by chocolate” and staring at the phone that will not ring.
So how to avoid the trap of falling into the agony of feelings, days, weeks or months of hard brainfucking, and enjoy safe and fun “casual relationship”? There must be some way for us to overcome this biology screw-up. If they can, maybe we can just copy what they are doing and practise that. But first, how exactly are they doing that? I went out and asked the guys: How do you manage to keep it casual avoiding the trap of falling into a feelings?”. Guys that I spoke with were different age, different status, and different education, even from different parts of the world. When you sum it up, it comes to this:
1) If you want fun without falling for a person you need to have more than one. In that way you will not be focused only on one person and you will not fall in love.
2) Second strategy is to do it with someone you do not really like (??) but only enough to keep your “engine work”.
3) Third way is to keep the distance.
The most of them went for the first strategy, so the answer is in promiscuity. Proud on my latest discovery I shared this knowledge with my friend and she put out one very important point: Where shall I find more? I have a trouble finding even one decent I could maybe possibly like…
Yes that might be a little challenge…
With that in mind I turned back to my guys and asked them how they deal with this little issue. Here is what they told me: “Who says that you have to like them.” Then we come to the strategy number 2.
On that point actually, my plan of learning and coping what they are doing fell apart.
But I want someone I will like even for a casual relationship. Hey!!!!
Sex is not what hooks us up even if it is marvelous experience. What set our hearts on fire is everything that happens before and after it. It is about how certain person makes you feel. This energy bust that you feel or the ability that even on the shittiest day this person can make you smile for no particular reason but their pure existence.
It goes about this link that is written somewhere beyond invisible and is created even before anything had happened.
So how can we protect us from simple fact that there is someone special for us, and yes that there is a possibility that one day this person will go away or that will not feel the same way for us and that we will be hurt? Maybe mingling would be a proper answer to this, finding a person who will be your compromise with yourself, keeping it casual because it is safe, till one day someone comes along who will be the one for you just like in Hollywood movie. Just how will you recognize this person and what will you be able to offer to this person then? You wasted your life on casual and superficial, lowered your criteria’s numbed your feelings, you kept distances even from yourself, and you are rolling in dirt of your comfort zone, or not to say coward zone. They say “success if for the brave”. I think that no brave person would ever settle for mingling, neither being a “mingler” nor being a “mingelee”. For us who prefer flying, falling is just and inevitable part and we learned how to deal with it, instead of avoiding it. It hurts, yes, but somehow it brings much more than crawling.
So forget mingling, that is for cowards. Live. Love, (if necessary) and learn to enjoy climbing up after the fall. This is what is all about.